My Mind Is Not Dead

Anyway, on to the matters of the mind now.
I am currently sitting in my room, basking in the joy that is the new set-up of my bedroom, workspace, mind-palace, what have you. I’m listening to a bit of BBC Radio Bristol, waiting to hear a Gravenhurst interview and acoustic session that happened recently.
This a much nicer place to be in, it is more functional and lighter. As a place to relax it is definitely far more superior to the way it was. I can see my TV properly, I have managed to black out, for the most part, the glass above my door that used to let in a load of light from the hall. I can also keep the blind pulled and let in the light through the window, whilst the shelves from my new desk block off any views of other peoples windows and other people can’t see me either.

I am off work today, due to currently sitting out a rotten period. I was exhausted yesterday after spending all of Monday reorganising my room and building my desk (and it collapsing several times, I have a bruise on my left knee to prove the trials I went through!), but the addition of my period pretty much kept me in bed all day yesterday. I feel useless when I sit around doing nothing, though. I called in sick today and it has been another nothing day. It’s silly, when I’m busy or at work I’m always wishing for a day or two of just sitting and being, at home, catching up on films and reading my books. When these days turn up, I feel guilty - massive amount of guilt. I’m not even doing anything creative. Who says people who read are imaginative?!?

Yesterday I watched a Spike Jonze film, Adaptation. I enjoyed it as much as I could enjoy a film with Nicolas Cage in it. His character, Charlie Kaufman, goes through a bit of a crisis when he realises he can’t create or come up with anything unless it has a bit of him in it. I’m the same, it’s only ever about me, me, ME! I can’t think of anything else. I know what I know. I just wish I could feel creative, and use my time wisely. I did try to write a poem though, but what I want to know is: how do you know when it’s good????
Along with feeling purposeless, I do literally feel like a blob as well. I’m wearing what can only be described as a shroud, covering the blob that is me. Feeling poo :( Wish I could be out in the sunshine, but feeling totally unable.